Irks and Quirks is a comedic series that deals less in facts, news, or events, and instead is weighted more on opinion. Whose opinion you ask? Oliver Smith’s obviously, he’s writing it.

  1. A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behaviour.
  2. Someone who puts pineapple on a pizza.
  3. Someone who eats pizza crust first.

What you see above you is what the definition of sociopath is according to some people who in my opinion take pizza a little too seriously. Almost to a point where it’s a matter of religious principle, step aside transubstantiation, this guy just ate a pizza with a knife and fork.

I would love to see a post apocalyptic world where people are still reeling from the events of the “Pizza War”, after a bunch of a fanatic pizza enthusiasts declare a yeasty fatwa against the heresy of the Hawaiian pizza.

Why is it that people put constraints on things they enjoy or how other people enjoy them, it’s like people who insist you’re not drinking coffee unless you’re drinking real coffee, or that you should only buy beer from a micro brewery (I’m only drinking lion red because I’m getting smashed Daryl!), you’re placing importance on something that’s completely trivial, and worst of all, you’re being a dick, and killing someone’s buzz.

So next time before you start bitching to your friend about someone eating the pizza crust first or making a facebook post about how pineapple on pizza is an affront to nature, maybe instead, don’t be a dick.

Coming up next, top 10 reasons why you shouldn’t enjoy DC’s new 52

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