- On Thursday, the new Captain America: Civil War trailer came out. It was the usual standard Marvel-fare of famous people in costumes (or GCI costumes) saying something vaguely pithy followed by an explosion (or a fight on a motorbike, or someone starting pensively into middle-distance).
Anyway, this latest one included something a little bit different, and by that I mean an extremely brief appearance by the new, non-Tobey Maguire, non-Andrew Garfield Spider-Man. (It’s Tom Holland this time as apparently we’re supposed to trade Super-Man actors as if they’re Pokemon)
This trailer is getting shared all over the internet because superheroes are really popular and people enjoy arguing over them. Spider-Man in particular has really been a staple character for Marvel, but there hasn’t been a good Spider-Man movie that people care about in the current era of ‘Way Too Many Superhero Movies’.
So naturally, when Marvel reveals even the slightest detail about the new incarnation of the character, entertainment sites start frothing at the bit and it’s basically treated as a new installment of some sacred text that must be excruciatingly combed through for meaning.
These sites are obviously more than happy to cynically cater to your insatiable desire for banal detail and will over-hype up each plot point or costume change as hyperbole and click-bait are sure-fire ways to earn some valuable clicks.
Here’s a summary of those articles, as you won’t be finding one on this site:
- The Verge has provided us with not one, but two, articles on Spidy:
- The Nerdist. Where to begin? Their cringe-worthy overage is heavy on speculation, and low on shame (or should that be journalistic integrity). But wait, there’s more! As this is just one of the 10 PAGES!!! of Spider-Man click-bait on the site. Visit their site if you enjoy reading lines like ‘game changer’, ‘jaw dropping’, and ‘out of this world’. A site that caters to nerds that have to be told how to think about nerdy stuff…
- Cinema Blend ever-reliably provided us with a host of typically ‘OMFG Guys!!!’ articles that generally have the effect of lowering their readers IQs (feel ashamed CB, feel very ashamed):
- The first, the obligatory 1o MOST INCREDIBLE TRAILER MOMENTS piece (… …)
- The second, an article that does little more than ‘state the obvious‘ about Spider-Man’s appearance in the trailer (what you mean Toby Macguires not in this one? Well colour me surprised)
- And for some reason a 7 HUUUUUUUGE REVEALS article, as if we didn’t get enough of that in the first article. Visit this site if you’re A) bored or B) hate yourself.
- Collider provided us with some of the better coverage of the trailer:
- Screen Junkies doubled-down on the nerd factor:
- Their 20 minute first-impressions video (yeah a 20 minute video for a 3 minute trailer) is the sort of thing that gets their mothers asking them to move out of the basement.
- Their written trailer piece is better written than most (though that’s not saying a much)
- Lastly, they cover some of the early reactions of those who have seen the film. These guys are worth a look if you have the time, but I’d recommend skipping the video.
- Vibe reckons that the new trailer was just ‘Too Damn Good‘… Sadly their writing wasn’t. They must have a low bar for success.
- The Guardian attempted to talk about the ‘5 Things We Learnt‘ from the final trailer, trying their best to not sound like professional-trained journalists who’d rather be doing anything else. They lately failed at this, but hey, it’s the Guardian so at least you know that their grammar will be good
- Vanity Fair also tried to pretend that they cared, but true-to-form quickly segued into a bit about the ‘best dressed superheroes’. The only reason to venture here is if you’re trying to impress your boyfriend by taking an interest in his ‘superhero cartoons’ but want everything to be delivered to you in the most condescendingly idiotic way possible
- Forbes write-up was wonderfully snarky and sardonic – give it a go if you’re anything like me
- GameSpot provided us with an unbelievably detailed (read anally-retentive) write-up of everything we missed in the two minute trailer. Ironically the article took longer to get through than the trailer itself
- Comic Book Movie barely tried (read – solidly under 300 words) while still managing to somehow annoy me (the inclusion of “Jaw Dropping!!!” will do that)
- Vox took a break from politics to provide us with a breathless (and somewhat bland) trailer breakdown … now with added lists … Best stick to talking about Trump guys
- Looper goes with salty cynicism (hey, at least they tried something different)
- Gizmondo barely got to 300 words in their review, but don’t despair, they brought a GIF
- Perez Hilton tried and failed at being a ‘real’ entertainment journalist (stick to gossip guys)
- Bro Bible, to their credit, don’t even pretend to provide more than cheap fan-service
- Lastly, the LA Daily News does their best to try convince us that they’re not copy-pasting the Marvel press-release (they are).
So there you have it. If you hadn’t seen the trailer yet, you now have no excuse. And what of the way that it was covered? The Media didn’t disappoint on this end – it was predictably awful, with Collider and Screen Junkies the only two to rise above turgid mediocracy.
If you can get past how annoying ET are, here is their exclusive from the set of Civil War: